I'm different

I'm different
well, different has a lot of meaning
but all I know I'm not perfect
what you expect me to be
might not turn out the way it is

you might compare me with other people
the people that busy with spiritual things
but not everybody the same and have the same goal
even people have different qualities
so, how do you expect me to be the same?

I have my own thoughts or opinion
you might have your own reasoning and explanation
somehow neither both of us are right
so, why you force people to do the things they dislike?

things that you think different from mine
somehow you think way too deep to the future
which haven't even fulfill yet
and yet you're here struggling with it and controlling me

I don't know when are you gonna let go
birds need to fly to discover how big is the world
well, yes, there's a risk
but everything that we do in our life are full of risks
so, why stop people from doing it when they have a choice?

time pass, people change, world change
everything change, so, why not me?
everything is so advance, so , why don't we update ourself?
by observing what is happening in the world?

you might say quit being fashion after this system of things
then mind as well stay in the old age
where there is no technology at all
don't you think?

all I wanna say is, I'm not perfect nor a dummy
I'm a human, who have a brain to think, who wanna make their own choice
I'm not a girl nor a woman
but I have grown up and old enough to make my own decision

grown-ups have their own thinking
they decide for themselves
if they make the wrong choice
at least they won't blame anyone for their mistakes

unless you wanna bare for my mistakes and think for my brain
mind as well you control my life till the end
just like a robot controlled by people
which means I live my life to do things for others will but not my will

someone else's someone

I can take your diary and know every detail of your secrets
I can make you love me
I can get you only for myself
but I can't guarantee to have your heart for me fully

I don't know what to do right now
just wanna face up in to the sky and ask
"clouds, tell me how?"
do you think his heart allow?

they say, he will automatically stick to you without any doubt
as for mine, I'm full of doubt
but I just keep to myself all the time
so that people might think that I'm fine

as i know your heart deep down inside
might belong to someone else
that i just can't seem to know even you're just by my side
or not sure whether there is..

you always have sweet words coming out of your mouth
can i trust every words you say??
can i just accept it?? can i swallow without taking out??
i hope i can..

so, that i don't have to have doubts all the time
so, that i can have less pain
and always think that you're mine
and stop crying in the rain

unrealistic

why something that you expect, and really have it in mind that it's like a perfect paradise.. but somehow turn out a bad one.. but you can't express it in anger but to endure.. it's true that it teaches you to do good in everything.. but people just being so cruel wanna ruin your days in this place.. as if like that's no place that you can go, but my excuse to stay and to endure is for the one person that i love.. you're doing this not to show off or something.. one thing that can't be understand that , they taught us to do this and that, but then themselves do the opposite..how unrealistic it was..

perfection???

nothing is perfect in life..
nothing is perfect in what you do..
nothing is perfect in what you request..

humans sometimes just so demanding
think again, can we manage?
if can't, let's do the digging
to see whether it worth finding

if you ask me,
i would ask you to see out of the box
you might ask back me why???
unless you wanna have the talks

BLUR

lost your view
lost your touch
don't know whether you're real
makes me miss you so much

you're so near
but yet felt like so far
somehow don't know whether you're really here
if it's true, I would get to you by car

my eyes are covered with smokes
my heart feels like as if it is cracked
blur is what I can see through the smokes
I hope it's not bleeding when it breaks

I'm not so sure right now
as if two ends can't be reach
I hope I can know the answer right now
better then nothing to reach

Feelings

dudes always makes the move
chicks always love the approach
guys see them as angel from above
girls see them too hot to touch 'Ouch!'

this happen during the season of blooming
it's a normal thing to happen
you just can't see it coming
feeling won't stop until the heart is taken

if you fall for the perfect match
that's great, good news for you
but if you fall for the person and they didn't catch
Ooopsh~ sorry, blame yourself why you!

somehow it can't be understand
you just have to accept the facts
if you still think you can
pray harder, it might turn out perfect!!

Nag~ nag~ nag~!!!

how do you feel when ever you get ask to do something again and again when you have arrange everything what you needed to do but yet when everything is like you can't finish because you get to ask to do another thing while you're trying to complete the things that they ask you to do before..!!

this makes me so frustrating!! i wanna get things done, but seems like i never get to complete it if everything always left halfway undone.. when my halfway undone job is put to aside to do someting more urgent, then when i get question about the job whether i'm done with it, and my answer is "no".. then i get sounded again..
so, what do you expect me to do when i'm trying my best to do everthing in order which i'm just created with only two hands?? at times, i really don't understand why.. and somehow it makes me think it's unfair.. makes me wanna have a fight with then and argue with them, but i respect them, i don't wanna have an arguement with them.. somehow i jut keep remind myself that they're just acting the way base on their age.. guess when you reach the age they do, everything change.. more this, more of that..

what to do, just need to be more understanding.. and more kind.. oh well.. just somehow i can't stand it.. just need to say it out my anger..

HIDING

you ever thought of hiding something??
WAIT!!! what makes you wanna hide?? secret?? personal?? or crime?? everybody have their own things to hide.. and i really mean EVERYBODY..
but have you ever hide, but, still being brave at the same time that you so hope to keep it tide, as in no one or anybody would know but eventually you know one day you will get caught..
the situation that I'm in now, well, what I'm hiding is my relationship.. my relationship with a guy.. not that I'm having another guy.. he's the only guy i like.. and no one in the world i would really fall for..
you wanna know the reason why i wanna hide such a thing or why i have to hide or why i SHOULD hide?? and who I'm hiding it from??
well, i hide it from my parents, my older brother, my friends, my religious friends,my close friends.. you might now say"oh my God! so many people she hide from" but still, in your mind, you still wondering why?? why i have to do that?? what makes me do that.. this just crazy.. why should she hide this.. nonsense!!..
eventually i need to hide because i know my family wouldn't accept him, my religion will not permit, my friends would be shock, my best friend would ask me to break this relationship and so forth..
pressure is all around me.. everything that i do, i have to be careful.. it's kinda tired doing this but, i don't mind.. as long as i'm happy, and i'm happy being with him, i don't mind it at all..

ask??? better don't ask

I'm not trying to be or intend to be.. people might think that differently.. well, hey, think what ever you want.. I'm not blaming you for acting that rude back to me..guess that's human nature..
but deep down inside, you have no idea how awful, how awkward i felt.. don't expect you to understand though..

look up towards the sky, stars above, how round the moon was.. cool and chilly, head face up to the big dark sky, eyes open wide, trying to avoid watery tears to roll down my cheeks.. can't control that no more, usually does.. guess i better don't ask than ask in the first place if i know it turn out this way..sorry to make you feel stumble..

thought i know well enough of you, thought i would understand you, thought i can get along well, thought i could be a friend that is good enough, guess my judgment was wrong after all..

It is so easy to stumble others.. It can be done by what we say or how we say it, by what we do or how we do it, and it can even be done by our failing to speak when we should or failing to act when we should.. There are times when we might stumble others by failing to speak when we should..

One of the commonest ways in which one might become a cause for stumbling is by the thoughtless use of that “unruly injurious thing,”THE TONGUE.. guess i'm a bit of thoughtless at that time.. ” Why??? not really sure..somehow we might stumble others by using vulgar, obscene or profane language or by saying things that we ought not.. and somehow we just spill.. saying the wrong things..