Funny Quotes - II

"When I read about the Evils of drinking... I gave up reading." 

"My Grandfather is eighty and still doesn't need glasses...He drinks straight out of the bottle." 

"When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." 

"I was born intelligent ... but education ruined me" 

BEER. Now cheaper than GAS! .Drink, Don't drive

"Why drink and drive, since you can smoke and fly!"

"I spent most of my money on beer and women. the rest, i just wasted."

"I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house."

"Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I've done it dozens of times."

"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."

"Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls."

"Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?"

"If Barbie was so popular, Why do people buy her friends?"

"Why fight to live when we live to die???"

"No one is perfect, well then I'm "no one" "